In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
