Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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