I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
