I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
