too bad you live with your parents still
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
