I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I've blown a few things in my day
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
