whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
