I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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