office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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