what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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