Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize