he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
