and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize