im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
