I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
