I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
