yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
