Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
