i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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