I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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