For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
