your parents love me but you hate me
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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