He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize