I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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