Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
