I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize