dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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