Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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