I will die if light touches me.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm just crazy horny about you
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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