If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
