shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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