I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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