I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
