I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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