i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
