I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
