I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
