Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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