i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
