Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Randomize
