we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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