Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
