Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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