you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
