It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
