He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
