Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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