I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
