thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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