i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
