well I can't set my house on fire every night
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
