an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
