The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
