You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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