The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Panties = found
Randomize
