i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
