dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
