just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Blow job season was short but glorious.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
