So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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