he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I wish you could order shots online.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
