His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
