You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
