Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
