Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
