i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
