GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
