I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
