butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he told me I talked like a deaf person
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize