When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
